Is This Really Goodbye

I've always had such a hard time dealing with change. Now, don't get me wrong... I'm always open to new experiences, new opportunities, and creating new memories — but when it comes to separation from a friend or loved one  (whether it be their relocation to a new city or their passing) — I have a hard time coping.

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I guess it stems from the idea that our old memories are the ones that I'm going to have to hold on to for whatever amount of time. Maybe it comes from the idea that I thought that we would have more time together to create more memories. Whatever the reason, I just wish I could be more comfortable with the change. 

I lost my aunt on Tuesday, and although it was somewhat expected, it was still so hard to accept. I loved my aunt so very much, and I know that she knew exactly what she meant to me. I will always remember visiting her for a week in the summers, learning to play ping pong (with which I'm still not good) at her office, defying her by jumping on her waterbed when she'd leave the room, playing with her cats "Mutt and Jeff", and just talking to her about life and my future.

She was so vibrant, colorful, and so animated. She had so much life. Even as she started getting sick, she possessed just as much vibrancy as before. I admired her strength. It hurts so much to think about life without her, but I'm so very happy that she's in better care and that she's no longer in pain. I'm grateful for her role in my life. 

I'm going to miss you Auntie! Give NaNa a kiss for me! xO